oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
