i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
