Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
