I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
