Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
