Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
