I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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