nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
