That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
