That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
