i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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