Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
