The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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