How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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