SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
