chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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