I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
