in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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