Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My friends, they love my intelligence
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
