My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
