i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
