yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
