Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
