Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
