He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
