Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
