sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize