...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
