I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
