theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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