Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
