i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
