I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
