I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
