She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dignity is for republicans.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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