You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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