if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
