I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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