Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
