This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
