Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
