hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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