Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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