His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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