I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
