I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
