OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
