You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
