First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize