im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize