I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
