Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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