I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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