I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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