you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i came on her dog
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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