Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
