Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
