Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
