you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize