Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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