I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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