Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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