U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
