And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
